Mermaids invented the tit-wank.
Miku Nakano best girl.
My only weakness is female interaction.
Cuz was bored pretty much is my life.
If I was less intelligent you'd have to water me 3 times a week.
The average funeral is between £5,000 and £8,000. I can't even afford to die.
My dream is to bang as many ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ as I can until I go out like Harambe.
I CAN smell what the rock is cooking.
I can make ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ howl and buttholes pucker up and whisper.
Lube or Spit? These are the questions that need answers.
I'm famous https://youtu.be/3mbXW74Vvtw?t=3m12s don't @ me.
If you are being raped, and you rape the raper. Can you be arrested for rape?
Le Sigh.
No Waifu, No Laifu.
Living is the leading cause of death.
If Watermelons exist, why aren't there Earthmelons, Firemelons and Airmelons. They would be the Elemelons.
Sometimes I just wanna YEET myself out of a window.
If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero would she be part of the X-Men or Transformers.
How can the Earth be flat if my life is constantly going downhill.
A man who has nothing to lose will always win.
I have a rape fantasy and I want several men to pin me down and dominate me.
The best browser is Mozzarella Flamedoggo.
Man: Hey, how are you doing
Youtuber: I was sexually harassed
Praise be to the one and only true and most divine ruler KEK.
I don't get how anyone ever dies. Just open your eyes its not hard.
Without women, life would be a pain in the arse.
I beat my meat to Anne Frank feet.
You can't enter heaven unless jesus enters you.
I don't know how to girls.
Yawning is the bodies 20% battery remaining function.
What has 8 legs and makes women scream?
Gang Rape.
Life isn't all hugs and handjobs.
I'm not lazy I just participate selectively.
I am a leaf on the wind.
I feel like I have no control over my life. ♥♥♥♥ just happens and i'm like ok so this is happening now.
I'm a lonely basement virgin.
I once called in sick to a doctors appointment.
I put a blanket over my PS4 for rest mode.
If I was told I only had 4 minutes left to live https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgGzAKP_HuM
I'm pro abortion because if that was me nowadays i'd wanna die.
I don't have sex with women coz they like ♥♥♥♥ and dat ♥♥♥♥ gayy.
Is it narcissism if you're actually better than everyone else.
I haven't lost my virginity yet because I don't lose.
If you are ever sad just picture a depressed onion cutting itself.
Being a pessimist is awesome because you are either right or pleasantly surprised.
The more I eat, the more weight I get to lose.
Being in the friend zone isnt that bad because at least they have friends.
Casual sex is just like masturbating with somebody elses body.
Casual sex implies there is ranked sex.
I masturbate because i'm the only one who's standards are low enough to ♥♥♥♥ me.
When you do the weeds for the first time
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/253/676/a65.png
Mark is my spirit animal.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator but I never really got around to it.
I am completely immune to flashbang grenades - Helen Keller
TFW you are a meme in a comment section.
When someones in pain I make the pain end. That makes me a Doctor.
You horse bring water to but no make it drink water.
When you are dead, you don't even know that you are dead. It's only pain for others.
Same thing when you are stupid.
If God is real, why are freddos still more than 15p?
Prison is my only chance of ever getting laid.
Everyones a prostitute if you pay them enough.
I am a man of unquestionable strength, undeniable will, and infinite Autism.
If 2 Vegans fight, Is it considered beef?
Spitters are quitters. Lube is for losers.
Money doesn't buy happiness, but it really ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ helps.