Collective for individuals rated 250 IQ and up for Counterstrike Office

"... We've just received word of an ongoing hostage situation taking place in the downtown area. A group of armed men took control of the office at gun point earlier today.

Most of the employees escaped relatively unharmed during the initial chaos of the takeover, but 4 people are unaccounted for and have been verified as hostages.

The reason behind this terrorist action remains a mystery. With no ends to the conflict in sight, authorization has been given for a SWAT team to enter the office at an attempt on a daring hostage rescue.

In other news, the president has sentenced today ..."