Recent reviews by El Panda de Los Muertos

I really enjoyed this. There's a real feeling of momentum and you get a nice flow going that makes you feel like you're being skilful even though the game isn't very demanding.

Very nice visuals too.

Sometimes I can understand where review bombing comes from. I don't get it here.

The new UI is not good. The game part of the game is fantastic. Don't let it scare you off.

GTA online, whilst once an interesting and fun new idea... Is now an unambiguously cynical pile of rubbish.

A griefers paradise, where the rich/lifeless pay/grind their way to the biggest and best toys and proceed to ruin any fun anyone else might be having. Make no mistake, this is a toxic community, and it makes perfect sense why it would be when R* are so happy to sell the tools to make it so.

The updates have long since ceased enriching the experience. New content is incredibly lazily produced and is basically designed to sell you shark cards. People like to argue that you can easily ignore this new content, but if you don't buy it you get spammed with messages and phonecalls from in-game characters reminding you that you haven't ponied up for it yet. Almost makes you miss the days where they were just pestering you to play a bowling mini-game and go see "big American titties".

This is a great way to crash a plane/die in a gunfight too since your controls get hijacked until you've dealt with the phonecall in one way or another.

The glory days were when the heists were just out, but there's only a handful of those and they do get old (cool as they are...).

The singleplayer is pretty good, but you probably knew that. This is GTA 5 we're talking about afterall... It's bigger than Jesus at this point. I only really write this to communicate the frustration. GTA online was a pretty good thing with a lot of promise, and it's been thoroughly, thoroughly... thoroughly buggered senseless by the forces of unashamed greed.

They killed the magic. It turns out when you do that it makes it far more obvious what the shortcomings are in the driving, the shooting and the godawful community.

If you have a time machine and can go back a couple of years this is recommendable. Right now I'd stay clear unless you're buying at a heavily discounted price to do the singleplayer content.

DoubleFine did it again!

3 years of early access to create a game where little jelly men punch eachother across a tiny variety of thread-bare arenas and somehow it's worse than ever.

Why does it run ♥♥♥♥♥♥ now?

Why can't I select my native res now?

Why does the knockout punch seem more arbitrary than ever now?

Why does my sombrero get stuck at the beginning of every round and then tear across the screen, creating an ugly blur of brown wherever I go?

Why have the physics been altered as to create less funny moments?

Why is the camera pulled in so close that I have no idea what is happening in the fight outside my very immediate vicinity?

Why is this significantly worse than previous builds and why the ♥♥♥♥ are you now calling it finished?

Why is there still only a handful of maps when they clearly aren't difficult to make?

Why are you so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lazy!!!?

Don't spend your money on this. Give it to someone who cares.

Gameplay is kinda what you'd expect.

Everything is geared towards selling you VC in the mycareer mode. If you don't want to buy VC (don't buy VC!!!) you're going to have a really lousy mycareer player for a long time and not have much fun during that time.

The ability to buy XP "for convenience" obviously incentivises the devs to make their game frustrating and un-fun unless you're willing to keep opening your wallet.

Blah blah blah...

Just know that you're paying £40/$60 for a freemium model. Please don't encourage them to keep taking the piss, buy no VC.

Shame on you, 2k.

Full Disclosure: I have 2 normal nipples, and 3 partially formed nipples. Also: I bought this game with my own money.

LA Noire is like finding a lump. It's intriguing, disturbing and it makes you wish you had a rewind button, so you could go back in time and be more meticulous about your examinations.

Judgement: 6 Stars. Given a promotion and a sexy new jazz singing German girlfriend.

I got the game free with a GPU and I still want my money back...

Remember when games were fun? No? I mean... Really think back. I promise you there was a time when they were. If you're still discovering hair where there previously was none, and wrestling with new and confusing feelings... You may have missed out on that era entirely.

Gunslinger is a throwback to a simpler time. A better time... You may have had to dodge a velociraptor or two on your way home from work, but at least you knew you had UT waiting for you on your hard-disk.

Gunslinger is primarily concerned with enjoyment. The visual style is enjoyable, the gameplay is enjoyable, even the cutscenes are enjoyable. This is bordering on unimaginable these days, I know. But it's true.

The game is short, but it's worthwhile. Get it, play it, play it again for a higher-score.

Judgement: Found innocent of all charges. Given a sandwich and a pat on the back.

"Wolfenstein" is genuinely fun when it actually lets you at the meat of the game.

Wasted oppurtunity. I don't know what this is, but it's not Wolfenstein.

Payday is a co-op game with a handful of repetitive missions and shoddy AI.

Do you like inexplicably getting shot with pin-point accuracy through smoke? They see you, you don't see them. That's fun, right? Hacker AI... Like I'm playing CS:GO or summink.

How about an enemy type that was added way after launch that appears (at times) out of nowhere, and downs you in a single kick? It's stupid to bring a knife to a gunfight, but it's apparently completely appropriate to bring a boot.

Payday is a grind, it's that simple. It was fun early on when it still had novelty value, and before they ruined it with cheap and game-ruining "Cloakers".

If you can get it super cheap, have at it.

Jump around in circles and call my dad a daisy.

Panda xx