Weaponized toilets for time wasters?

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appendixmagician 11 Dec @ 3:40am

In short, when someone plants their posterior on the toilet, a timer (duration customizeable, by default 10 minutes) will start counting down.
To safely survive the death toilet, the person must, before the timer runs out:
a) wipe and fully dress up
b) flush the toilet
c) open the door
Inside the toilet will be several sensors, which will allow the toilet to know which of these conditions have been fulfilled.
Failure to comply within the time limit will unleash the 'super evil terminator toilet mode'. The death toilet will arm itself with dual mounted machine guns. For mobility, it will fashion arthropod-like legs. It will then proceed to take out the 160-200cm walking dump, before returning to it's original location and resuming it's ordinary function of being a toilet.

I think humanity will benefit from my invention. Give me a big 'ol thumbupper

if you'd like the death toilet as a christmas present.

Last edited by appendixmagician; 11 Dec @ 3:43am

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Showing 1-15 of 25 comments

Сааребас 11 Dec @ 3:45am

Heck no!

I want a coffee and/or something to smoke when taking longer then 10 minutes.

Listen, your parents earned the right to take the whole freaking day on the toilet, if wanted and your siblings have the exact same right... in case that's relevant.

appendixmagician 11 Dec @ 3:50am

Originally posted by Сааребас:
Heck no!

I want a coffee and/or something to smoke when taking longer then 10 minutes.

Listen, your parents earned the right to take the whole freaking day on the toilet, if wanted and your siblings have the exact same right... in case that's relevant.

Toilet time must be optimized. You can look at your mobile device, read a book, or do any other activity without taking the bathroom hostage. Plus there's the risk of hemorrhoids. I am doing you all a service.

lailaamell 11 Dec @ 3:52am

Originally posted by appendixmagician:
Originally posted by Сааребас:
Heck no!

I want a coffee and/or something to smoke when taking longer then 10 minutes.

Listen, your parents earned the right to take the whole freaking day on the toilet, if wanted and your siblings have the exact same right... in case that's relevant.
Toilet time must be optimized. You can look at your mobile device, read a book, or do any other activity without taking the bathroom hostage. Plus there's the risk of hemorrhoids. I am doing you all a service.

Ppl should just hold it in until they get home

Сааребас 11 Dec @ 3:53am

Originally posted by appendixmagician:
Originally posted by Сааребас:
Heck no!

I want a coffee and/or something to smoke when taking longer then 10 minutes.

Listen, your parents earned the right to take the whole freaking day on the toilet, if wanted and your siblings have the exact same right... in case that's relevant.
Toilet time must be optimized. You can look at your mobile device, read a book, or do any other activity without taking the bathroom hostage. Plus there's the risk of hemorrhoids. I am doing you all a service.

Nah, toilet time needs to be relieving (pun intended).

steven1mac 11 Dec @ 4:09am

I think shooting water at near freezing at the offending butt after ten minutes should be enough.

Tröjan 11 Dec @ 5:10am

Good idea

Valorthief Actual 11 Dec @ 5:45am

Either ♥♥♥♥ or get off the pot literally die.

a loud pop 11 Dec @ 5:54am

Good idea, though the legality of sitting on Off Topic posters will need some kinks sorting out.

HermitTheMissleToad 11 Dec @ 5:59am

Originally posted by appendixmagician:
In short, when someone plants their posterior on the toilet, a timer (duration customizeable, by default 10 minutes) will start counting down.
To safely survive the death toilet, the person must, before the timer runs out:
a) wipe and fully dress up
b) flush the toilet
c) open the door
Inside the toilet will be several sensors, which will allow the toilet to know which of these conditions have been fulfilled.
Failure to comply within the time limit will unleash the 'super evil terminator toilet mode'. The death toilet will arm itself with dual mounted machine guns. For mobility, it will fashion arthropod-like legs. It will then proceed to take out the 160-200cm walking dump, before returning to it's original location and resuming it's ordinary function of being a toilet.

What about those of us with gut issues, who may or may not need more than 10 minutes?

appendixmagician 11 Dec @ 6:01am

Originally posted by HermitTheMissleToad:
What about those of us with gut issues, who may or may not need more than 10 minutes?

Originally posted by appendixmagician:
(...) a timer (duration customizeable, by default 10 minutes) will start counting down.

#10

HermitTheMissleToad 11 Dec @ 6:02am

Originally posted by appendixmagician:
Originally posted by HermitTheMissleToad:
What about those of us with gut issues, who may or may not need more than 10 minutes?

Originally posted by appendixmagician:
(...) a timer (duration customizeable, by default 10 minutes) will start counting down.

My bad.

#11